The Tale of Kansas' Crazy Owner

I hesitated to share this story. I try to be a positive and encouraging horse trainer. I run into my fair share of crazies in the horse world. Usually, I let them roll off my back and move on. In general, I try not to trash talk people online, and especially not on a public blog. Just because I disagree with someone, doesn't mean they are wrong. There is more than one way to skin a cat (or, train a horse for that matter).  Once in a while, however, I run into one that's too good not to share. Here is the tale of 2016 Numb-nut Award  Winner.


When Kansas' owner called me the first time, I immediately got the Crazy Vibe off of her. When she then called me back three times in five minutes and left lengthy voicemails despite the fact that we'd never met and the fact that I kept ignoring her calls.

I finally told her that the best way to reach me would be via email. When she continued to call me (at all hours of the night) I finally told her that my phone is a business line and gets turned off at 5pm (and on the weekends). I patiently explained that I cannot answer a call when I'm working with a horse, and that it would be rude for me to interrupt a paying client's time to take a phone call from someone else.

"If you email me, I can get back to you at the earliest possible convenience and we won't have to play phone tag."

When I last mentioned Kansas, I wrote that his owner had headed down to the shore. She proceeded to stay there for over a month. In the mean time, her horse sat at that horrible barn, with thrush going untreated and his halter growing into his face. While at the shore, his owner apparently couldn't check her email (even though she has a smart phone). She would call me alternately at 11pm and 5am. Seriously, lady, if I'm up at one, I'm definitely not up at the other.

As promised, I rode her horse while she was away, and sent her detailed updates, which included photos. She requested a second ride on Kansas and promised to leave money at the barn. I rode the horse a second time despite the fact that there was no money to be found. When I emailed her again, she seemed surprised that I'd ridden the horse a second time. I scrolled up to make sure I wasn't crazy. Right there, in black and white, was her confirming the date and time she wanted me to ride Kansas the second time. This is why I like email. So I can have a paper trail on crazy.

The day before I left for RBTR, Kansas' owner called me late in the evening. I let the call go to voicemail. Then I texted her with, "I am leaving the state for competition. I will not have reception while I am away. I will be back on Monday morning and will be happy to answer your questions during business hours at that point."

A few hours later (nearly midnight), I received a snotty message that said, "Dom, I want to keep you as my trainer, but I need you to communicate better."

I lost my mind to Mike. I was ready to just drop this woman already. It is seriously not worth the hassle to deal with people who go from, "You're the best trainer ever!" (literally, she wrote that, I have it saved) to "I need you to do better" in no time flat.

I was ready to call this lady and tell her to Fuck Off. By this point, I'd met her twice and had already had countless phone calls, text messages, and email threads with her.

Instead, I quietly shut off my phone, went to my endurance ride, and didn't think about it all weekend. When I got home, I wrote the following email:
"Hi [name omitted],

I received your text message that you sent late on Thursday night. As I mentioned, I was out of state with no reception. This is why email is really the best way to reach me. I am happy to answer all of your questions during a scheduled lesson. If you have a quick question in between lessons or if you are not present for a session, I am happy to respond by email. 

The way that I can afford to survive as a horse trainer full time is to keep a busy schedule. I cannot answer phone calls while I am riding or on the road, which is where I am almost constantly during business hours. As I told you, I do not have enough reception to make a call at home, and do not keep a smart phone. Additionally, I have to leave 'down time' at the end of the business day for myself and for my family. It doesn't do anybody any good if I work myself into the ground by being at everyone's beck and call 24 hours a day.

You can schedule lessons by text or by leaving me a voice mail, but otherwise, the phone is simply not a good way to reach me. If you are away without access to email, that really does  not constitute poor communication on my part and I do not appreciate the accusatory tone of your last message. 

As for Thursday: You had asked me to ride Kansas again last week. I told you that I would ride him on Tuesday or Thursday, and you replied to say you would leave money at the barn if you were able to make it out on Tuesday. You asked for my address to mail payment. I am sorry if you did not in fact want me to work Kansas last week. Again, this is why email is the best way to reach me. Having everything in writing helps prevent any kind of misunderstanding or miscommunication.

Kansas is very good. He is trained. If you put a decent rider on him, he will perform well. I am happy to exercise him while you are away and report how he did, though I do not foresee having any problems handling him myself.

You can absolutely learn to ride him yourself, and I hope you take the time to learn to do so, whether it's with me or somebody else. I think your biggest obstacle is your current boarding situation, and I strongly advise you look into other options. There are no benefits to being at FFarm that you cannot find elsewhere. There are other barns on and near The Park if you need or want to be on those specific trails. I am not in the business of telling people where to board their horses or when to move them. It really is a personal decision. However, I do think it is part of your current hiccup with Kansas.

If you would like to schedule another lesson, please contact me via email or text (or leave a voicemail). If not, please let me know that you are not interested in continuing so that I don't wonder what became of you. 

Kind regards,
Dom"

She immediately back pedaled and started calling me 'dear' and talking about her plans to move Kansas to a better barn and to lesson regularly.

Speaking of moving Kansas...

The whole reason I met this woman is because she planned to move to Gunner's old barn, and Skye's owner had given her my phone number. She kept bothering the BO about moving Kansas over. The BO, who has more patience than I do, bent over backwards to accommodate her. He held a stall for her for two months, and when she didn't show, he told her she could let him know when she was ready and he'd accommodate her then. Halfway through August, Kansas' owner contacted the BO and asked to come see the property again. He even took her on a trail ride on his own horses.

When she hemmed and hawed again, the BO said, "You paid board for August already, didn't you?"
Kansas' owner admitted she had. She would not get a refund if she moved the horse any date but the first of the month.

So the BO, who is a saint by this point, told her she could move the horse any time, and he wouldn't bill her until September 1st. He even offered to come pick the horse up for her! Talk about going the extra mile!

On the 11th, I got an email from Kansas' owner. It read.
"Hi Dom.  I am not moving Kansas to Gunner's Barn.  A lot went on this morning when the BO came with the trailer to get Kansas.  He ended up telling me I am not welcome there and after what happened, I'm better off where I am."

I thought, "Uh oh."

I did get the full story from the BO at Gunner's barn the next time I went over there for a lesson.

Apparently. the BO arrived with his trailer in tow. Kansas had not been  on a trailer in four years, and the BO took his time loading the horse. (Again, he is very patient.) Kansas put two front feet on the ramp, about two minutes in to the BO being there. Suddenly, Kansas' owner started to hyperventilate, then cry, then shriek, "I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this!" The horse was just standing there.

So the BO decided (wisely) that he did not need this crap in his life, and told her "never mind".

We all collectively decided that this whole situation was going to go down in flames, and I resolved not to sic this crazy boarder on anybody I knew. It was too bad because the poor horse really deserved a better situation.

I did end up going out to work with Kansas one last time before I threw in the towel.

On August 22nd. I met his owner at her barn. I had made it very clear that I would be on a pretty strict schedule that day, and that I had to be in and out in an hour. I don't usually resort to this, but I'd given her quite enough free advice and time by this point (and I really did have another lesson to get to).

I arrived at 11am and Kansas was still out in his field. We then wasted half an hour talking about his feet for the umpteenth time.

Despite the fact that I'd emphasized that the horse is already trained and what this woman needed was a series of arena lessons to actually learn to ride, Kansas' owner was determined to go out on trail that day. In fact, she had rented a horse for me to ride with her. I tried to argue that giving Kansas a horse to play follow-the-leader with wouldn't teach either one of them anything. Then I sort of gave a defeated shrug and decided, "What the hell? Sixty bucks is sixty bucks. Might as well get a nice trail ride out of it. If this woman wants to throw away her money, so be it."

Not only did she rent a horse for me, but she invited a friend of hers to come along too!

Talk about a super productive lesson environment! Stellar.

This was the rental horse I rode. His name was Jack. He was a good egg.

Right off the bat we were having problems. Kansas was plodding obediently down the driveway between my horse and the friend's horse. Meanwhile, his owner's hands were flailing all over the place. I informed his owner that she wanted to keep her hands still and quiet unless she was trying to communicate with Kansas. She nodded, but her hands continued to flail all over the place. Kansas was getting upset, desperately trying to figure out what the spazz on his back wanted from him. Finally, I demonstrated on the totally bombproof trail horse I was on.

"See what he does if I start being loud with my hands?" I waved my arms and Jack threw his head up on protest and gave me the stink eye.

Still, Kansas' owner flailed.

I told her, "Why don't you try holding the reins on one hand and putting your other hand on the horn?"
She gripped the reins harder and cried out, "I can't! I'm scared!"

*sigh* This is why we should have been in the ring.

Hands flailing.

It was 11:45 by the time we reached the trail.

Between the friend and myself, we were able to get Kansas' owner all the way out to the covered bridge. Remember, this had been her goal for the summer.

I would like to mention that Kansas marched right through the bridge with his clueless owner on board without so much as hesitating. To reiterate: there is nothing wrong with this horse. 

On the other side of the covered bridge is a grassy field. Kansas' owner has always let him graze under saddle, and it has become a habit. When I rode him, I would simply pick up a light contact in tempting areas and Kansas wouldn't even try to put his head down.

I turned around and Kansas was grazing. "Pull his head up," I instructed. A moment later, his owner opened her fingers and Kansas grazed again. "Keep your fingers closed," I reminded her. Over and over and over again, his owner would pick up his head, then immediately open her fingers and drop Kansas again. I must have said, "Fingers closed" roughly six hundred times. I am not sure if I could have worded it differently or not.

Instead, I navigated to a paved trail with no grass growing in the path.

By this point, it was 12:15pm, an hour and fifteen minutes into our one hour lesson. We were back at the covered bridge, facing the barn. I suggested, "Ok, that's enough for one ride, we should head back. I hate to watch the clock, but I have to be at another lesson shortly!"

To the friend's credit, she backed me up and agreed with the plan, but Kansas' owner wanted to keep riding.

Reluctantly, I agreed to head back alone and leave the two of them to their own devices. I looked over my shoulder as I rode away, and everything seemed to be going well.

I proceeded to have a lovely five minute trot/canter ride back to the barn. I think Jack had the time of his life. He's obviously used to toting beginners around at a snail's pace.

I dropped Jack at the barn, assured the BO that there was no emergency reason for me returning by myself, and went on to my next lesson.

Four days later, I got an email...
"Hi Dom.  Just wanted to say that right after you left the park on Monday, M and I did a short walk along that trail and then decided to come back. Right after we passed the covered bridge, M wanted to take a picture.  She ended up dropping her phone.  We had just passed two girls who were
sitting on the ledge at the bridge so M turned her horse around to ask them for help.  When I tried to turn Kansas around, he would not turn.  Once he passed the covered bridge, I guess he was too close to home.  I turned his head to the right and then the left.  He would not budge and then he started his
backing up thing again.  He used to do that a lot.  Now he's starting that again.  The backing up scares me bc of all the dips along the road.  If he backs up into a ditch, I'll be falling off.  I wish you were there.  I really need for you to teach me what to do when he fusses.  I never did get him to turn around.  I just faced the barn waiting for M.  Wrong.  He should do what I tell him.  I want to do this with you.  I'll try to turn him around to go back to the bridge and can you teach me what to do?

On Tuesday, M and I went out with T.  Kansas was great all the way.  But when we got to an open field, all he did was put his head down to graze.
Sometimes I would catch him in time and yank his head up and other times he would pull too strongly.  I pull his head up so much in the fields, I'm afraid I'm going to break my reins.  He's just awful in the field.  I tried to get him back to the trail but he wouldn't move.  T, God bless her, finally got off her horse and led him through the path to the woods.  She found a log to get back on her horse.  I need your help here too.

T said she doesn't like the way he opens his mouth when I'm trying to correct him.  What does that mean?  Is he trying to get the bit out?  Is that a bad thing?

Can you help me with these two problems?  Not being able to turn him around when he gets too close to home and not wanting to leave the field and doing nothing but grazing.

I'll be away until Tuesday.  Right now Wednesday looks humid, not that you can make Wednesday anyway.  I know you have a busy schedule.  Maybe we can schedule a time when you are not rushed for another close appointment.  C ended up charging me $30 for you to ride Jack.  She said next time
she won't charge me.  I don't have a friend there whose horse you can ride.  All the many times over the years that people asked me if they could "borrow" Kansas and I always said ok. Now when I need a horse, there is none.  No one will ride him anymore.

Just let me know what day and time is good for you.  If we have to go to the following week, that's ok.  

Thanks, Dom.  Kindest regards.  And have a great weekend!"

By this point, I was completely and totally fed up. I replied that I would be away for the weekend (doing the hundred) and that we could schedule a lesson when I got back.

Then Kansas' owner changed the subject and asked a bunch  of random saddle fitting questions that I couldn't have answered even if I wanted to. Then she said she still wanted to move to Gunner's barn. In fact, the next time I was at Gunner's, the BO had to leave his owner property to avoid Kansas' owner who had threatened to stop by without an appointment (because the BO had stopped returning her messages.)

By this point, I had also stopped responding. I got several emails from Kansas' owner talking about moving Kansas to another cheap barn around the corner, which has an equally bad reputation. I ignored those emails too.

Finally, I got the following email:
" Hi Dom.  I hope you can answer a question for me.  You know the saying - you get what you pay for. Kansas has an awful bite mark on his side.  It's "oozing" blood and puss.  He flinches when I press near it.  Not on it.  I put antibiotic cream on it.  He also has a lot of other small
bites but not where it's down to the skin.  P knew he had this bite so I'm wondering why he or C didn't put anything on it.  I don't know how barns operate but I would think they would have put some cream on it.  There are so many horses in that field together.  Mares and geldings
together.  Kansas is getting beat up.  He's too sweet.  

I took him in the ring yesterday and he was fussing a lot.  Kept turning his head around and biting at my boot.  Maybe he was trying to tell me he was sore with the saddle and pad on him. If there is blood and puss, would the saddle and pad hurt him?

I don't know if there is still an opening but there was an opening at a barn in [nearby town]. It's $460.  Only about 12 horses.  Mares and geldings are separated. It's a beautiful field with hills and even a stream.  Kansas would just love it.  

I want to enjoy him by myself.  He's too pokey to go out with other people. Madeline always has to stop her horse so I can catch up.  I would rather just enjoy him myself.  

You're the expert.  You have seen hundreds of horses and many many barns.  What do you think of where he is now?  What are the disadvantages?  I know you said there are a lot of horses there but that's pretty much all you said.  

I'll call this barn. And if they have a stall, I guess I should move him.  I hope you can come there."

Since she directly asked me what I thought of the current barn, I replied:
"The barn he is at now is probably the worst barn I've been at that I didn't call animal control on. The horse management is terrible. I am not one to trash talk facilities and am reluctant to say anything. Yes, a regular barn should check and treat your horse for injuries, but I would not expect that level of care at FFarm. WPF, from what I have heard, is not any better. 

You need to learn to ride him by yourself in a ring setting and learn to communicate with him (he is already trained) and then take those skills out on trail. It's not really fair for you to try to figure it out with him in the open with other horses and riders and lots of distractions. Nothing he is doing is deliberate misbehavior. It is a lack of clear, consistent communication, and that comes from practice and good instruction. 

Kansas has a very nice, forward walk and trot when you ask for it. He is being pokey to take care of you because he feels your insecurity. When you learn to ride him with confidence, he will have no problem keeping up with other horses."

So then she started talking about moving to Gunner's barn... again. Even though that option was no longer on the table.

Then we got married (that's right, we are now going on four months of this crap, and I've only met her three times). She emails:
"Hi Dom. Congratulations and I hope you had a beautiful wedding day.  If you are on your "honeymoon", I am so sorry to be emailing.  
When you get a chance, I am still looking around for another barn.  Jersey is fine as long as it is not too far.  40 to 45 minutes is ok.  And up to $500 in board I can do.

Don't misunderstand me.  It's not up to you to find me a place.  I just thought maybe you knew of a place.  Anyway, I have two in mind.   Going over to the one today. "

I didn't respond (BECAUSE I WAS GETTING MARRIED and it's not all about her) and I came home to find out she'd moved Kansas to the other crappy farm.

Then, a few days later:
"Hi Dom.  I don't think WPF will work either. I ran into a guy at Walmart a few days ago who used to board at WPF and left.  I knew him there. He told me the owner puts chlorine tablets used for pools in the water troughs rather than just emptying them out and cleaning them.  He also told me the horses are fed only on Fridays and Tuesdays.  Fridays because a lot of people show up on the weekend and assume that their horses are well taken care of.  The young guy who puts hay out
on Tuesday couldn't get there on Tuesday so he came Wednesday afternoon.  We clean our own stalls and the worming if needed is also up to us.  All the fencing is wire and I don't know if the electric works.  

The sweet feed they are fed is $10.95 a bag.  Very cheap stuff.  As to the hay, if they run out, they run out.  I took Kansas over there last Monday.  There was no hay left in the field at all.  So Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday morning all he had to eat was 5 scoops of grain.  

The place is also a junk yard.  J has let it go ever since the barn manager left.  It's just not the same.  He buys horses at the auction and of course doesn't vaccinate them.  I heard he now has more horses than he does boarders.  So many people are leaving.

This is really upsetting me so I am moving him again.  There is nothing down my way available.  I am seeing two barns in [a town I'd never heard of] this week.  They were highly recommended by a saddle shop and also my vet.  Beautiful places where the horses are well taken care of.  It really isn't that far and it's a beautiful area.  All farms, horse stables, open space and windy roads.  It would take under an hour to get to either one.  The one backs up to [a park in the area] and the other you just walk down the road a little bit to get there.  

I really need a change.  I want to start all over again.  I guess [random town] would be too far for you to come?"

I looked it up and it wasn't that far, but by this point, I was totally done and I saw my window to get out. I replied simply, "Yes, that would be too far."

Then some random conversation about insurance. Then some random questions and no reply from me. Finally, she asked if she could have another lesson. I confirmed that she was still at WPF and then told her I would not be  comfortable going to that shit hole  facility.

That's when the final straw came.

"No problem.  It's very hurtful and upsetting to me that you would put your personal opinion based on hearsay remarks before my need and desire to finally be able to be taught by a professional trainer to enjoy my horse after owning him for 4 (next month) years.  I was only asking for 1 hour of your time.  

I should have never gone on and on about WPF.  There are only one-third the amount of horses there as at FFarm.  I visited Kansas 3 times this past week and there has been plenty of hay in the field.  He does get sweet feed but some of your expensive barns feed this.  I know this for a fact.  As to the water trough, I can clean that myself.  I have put my hand in the water a couple of times and I don't smell chlorine.  The guy I ran into at Walmart who left WPF had some words with J.  Maybe that's why he is bad mouthing the place.

Ever since the day I bought Kansas, I have always been in the park area.  It's very hard to leave the park area.  Most people who are at other barns in the area have trailers and they trailer their horse to the park.  I cannot do that.  I can only be at FFarm, WPF, or [random other barn that also sucks].  I have heard things about [other sucky barn] so I chose not to bring him there.  That leaves me with only FFarm or WPF.

Another reason I can't leave there is I have been doing a lot of calling and checking other barns out.  None of the smaller ones will allow a trainer on their property due to liability issues.  Your expensive barns, which I cannot afford, have their own trainers and will not allow another trainer. Also, most people at private farms keep their horses pretty much as pets.  They are not into trail riding and again, the ones who are trailer their horse to the park.

Most private barns keep their horses in the stall too much.  I also know this for a fact.  I have driven around and even on nice days, their horses are in.  Again, that is what I like about WPF.  The horses are usually out.  In freezing temperatures J will bring them in.  And on humid days, there are plenty of trees out back for shade.   And whether I want my horse in or out, is my preference.  The girls who work there have no problem with what people prefer.  

Just about everyone who owns a horse would love to have a farm of their own where they can look out their windows and see their horses.  For most people though, that is not doable. "

That was it. I'd had it with her passive aggressive guilt trips and her rambling and her taking up my time for free. If you can't afford to pay for decent care for your horse, don't have one. 

Also, in case you missed it, I train exclusively at fancy, expensive barns now.

After some more fuming and contemplating dropping the f-bomb, I drafted the following response.

"Dear [crazy lunatic lady],

I need you to stop contacting me. I have tried to be patient, but I cannot help you. The fact that you keep changing your story combined with the fact that you have yet to get on a regular lesson schedule or listen to a single word I have said is why I am dropping you as a client. It has nothing to do with my personal opinion on anything or what others think of you, though you have successfully burned every bridge that I have tried to offer you. WPF is a terrible boarding facility. I go to plenty of affordable, private barns in NJ. I am just not willing to subject them to a difficult boarder. In my professional opinion, you are in way over your head. You never should have bought a horse, let alone a young one. You did so, and now you owe it to your horse to figure the situation out. I cannot and will not help you. Your best bet is to find a barn with an in-house trainer and good care. Pay the trainer on a regular basis and actually listen to their advice. Treat them better than you have treated me, and maybe they will have better luck than I did. This is what I do full time for a living, and I can assure you that your attitude and situation are not the norm. You are in a bad and dangerous situation, and I cannot help you because you do not listen. This is me formally (and in writing) terminating our short business relationship. Do not contact me again. I will not respond, and further attempts to contact me will be grounds for a harassment suit. 

Thank you,
Dom"

The wording in the last line is done specifically so I could have legal grounds for action if things went south.

It took her a while (and I imagine she was sputtering) but she wrote back several days later:
"Dear Dominique:
You are off the wall.  I saw you a grand total of 4 times.  And the last time you ripped me off by giving me a half hour of your time and charging me $60. You need me to stop contacting you?  What in the world are you talking about?  You tried to be patient?  I keep changing my story?  I haven't listened to a single word you said? A total of 4 lessons and you are going on and on and on...  Burned every bridge?  You are unbelievable. You have never even been to WPF. You're not willing to subject barns you go to with a difficult boarder? You told me you knew of places that charged $500 or more. You are downright nasty.  And you're the one with the attitude.  Instead of saying I should have never bought a young horse, you said I should have never bought a horse at all.  How dare you interfere with my love of horses.  Treat another trainer better than I have treated you? I have always been nice to you.  I even gave you hugs yet. Don't worry about "terminating" our short, at least you admit that, business relationship. It was terminated when you said you weren't going to WPF. And if you read the email, I said no problem.  Do not contact you again?  Why in the world would I contact you?  There are many trainers out there.  I don't need you. A harassment suit?  You're unbelievable.
Do not contact me again!"

I had so many things I wanted to reply with.

Ripped her off? I was at her damn barn for over an hour and a half while she wasted my time.
Yes, I tried to be patient. I have SIXTY-NINE emails from this woman. All rambling and whiny. I met her FOUR TIMES. I should have charged her $20 per email response. I would have made a killing.
But it's ok. She gave me hugs!

But I resisted. I blocked her email and haven't looked back.

This was really hard for me because Kansas is such a nice horse. I've been watching the sale sites since then, just in case. I'd pick him up as a sale project in a heart beat. In fact, I'd keep him for Mike if we had a place of our own!

I sincerely hope she is able to find the trainer who has the patience for her. Judging by her track record, it's not likely. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I'm beginning to understand why everyone else at the barn was reportedly so "mean" to her.

So there you have it. Long, drawn out, and probably painful to read. You win some, you lose some, I guess.

Running my own business is tricky in a lot of ways, but this is definitely the hardest thing for me. Dealing with the horses is easy, but dealing with the people often isn't. For every bad encounter (they are getting fewer and farther between, thank goodness) I learn a valuable lesson. In this case, it was to trust my gut and be much quicker about cutting ties when I get the Crazy Vibe.